There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even the happiest couples in this world have had their fair share of arguments. Conflict is an inevitable part of intimacy – but where there are ruptures, there are also repairs.
Dr. Wendy Walsh, the author of The 30-Day Love Detox says that successful couples know how to handle fights and resolve conflict, and that is what makes the real difference, at the end of the day. Here are 6 rules happy couples follow when they argue.
They Listen to Each Other
When couples fight, they often pay very little attention to what the other person is saying and are often thinking more about the next thing to say to them in order to come out on top.
This habit can be destructive for your relationship since it creates a gap of communication between the two parties who are constantly screaming and shouting to get their point across.
Successful people fight as well, but even when they do, they make sure to listen to each other and understand where the other person is coming from, instead of just talking at one another.
They Think Before Speaking
If you’ve ever taken an anger management class, you’ve probably heard about the count-to-10 rule, which basically means that you should pause to think about your response before reacting in a stressful situation.
This also applies to your relationship, especially during an argument with a loved one. Thinking before you speak is a great practice that will save you from saying something hurtful in the heat of the moment that you might regret later.
They Are True to Their Feelings
Taking full responsibility for your emotions instead of blaming the other person for making you feel a certain way is a great rule happy couples follow when they argue.
If you’re feeling frustrated or angry, don’t start the sentence by saying, ‘you make me angry’. Instead, go for a softer approach like, ‘I feel angry/hurt when…’ which will help your partner to actually listen to you instead of getting defensive.
Sometimes, a fight can come out of nowhere, leaving you with very little time to formulate a response. If the other person criticizes you for something or makes you feel bad, try telling them that what they said didn’t make you feel good. This is one way to manage an argument and tone down the emotions before things get out of control.
They Try to Mend Things
The frequency of your arguments isn’t as important as your way resolving conflict. It’s normal for couples to scream and shout at each in a state of intense emotions but once things calm down a little, couples who are afraid to lose each other sit down together to talk things out in a calm and collective manner.
It doesn’t matter what you do mend the situation, as long you make the effort to talk things out so that no party is harboring resentment after the fight.
They Compromise for the Relationship
Happy couples who truly love each other put their relationship above their egos. Instead of trying to win an argument, they learn to swallow their pride and let things go. It isn’t about winning and losing in a relationship because you’re both on the same side.
They Establish Ground Rules
Sometimes it’s better to step away from an argument than to watch it escalate, but storming out on the other person mid-sentence isn’t the right way to do it.
If you need a short walk or some silence to clear your head and get your emotions under control, simply let your partner know that you need a break.